When will you marry series-Part 1
With wedding season around the corner and the constant hashtag relationship goals posts flooding the timeline, many people are left wondering:
When will it be my turn?
Has God forgotten me?
Is it in his will for me to get married?
Will I be single forever?
We trust in God for jobs, our health, protection and finances amongst other things. However, when it comes to this particular area of our lives, we struggle.
We look around and see other people getting married and having children and become disheartened and discouraged. Then we rush into relationships that we have no business being in just so we can be one step closer to the altar.
Marriage is a wonderful thing. But I’m sure you know by now that it is not all fun and games 24/7. It takes a lot to be committed to someone for the rest of your life. It is not a commitment you should make half-heartedly.
Many people wish to be married without actually understanding the magnitude of what marriage entails.
A solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment
‘I, (name), take you, (name)
to be my wife/husband,
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,
according to God’s holy law.
In the presence of God I make this vow.’
It’s really easy to repeat these words after the marriage officiant. But these are no ordinary promises, it’s not like’ I promise to do the dishes tomorrow’. It’s ‘no matter how bad things get, I promise to stay by your side’ (with exceptions!). To be able to stand there and make these vows in the presence of God, it is essential that we understand the weight of words coming out of our mouths.
Marriage is a sacred union between two individuals, it is not something that you should do on a whim. As Christians it’s important for us to understand God’s purpose for marriage.
God’s purpose of marriage
The first union of man and woman in the bible was between Adam and Eve. God had created Adam and said that it was not God for him to be alone, so he created animals. But they could not provide the help and support that Adam needed, so God put him to sleep and created Eve from his rib.
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man[c] to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.
“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’”
Adam was in the presence of God and surrounded by all kinds of animals, but he was still alone. The same way you may be in his presence and surrounded by family and friends but you still feel alone.
At the sight of Adam’s wife:
23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.
It’s natural to long for the companionship of a husband or wife, it’s not a bad thing. God recognised that Adam needed companionship and someone to help and support him. The same way God recognises our needs today.
Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!
God knows what you need. If you need the companionship of a husband or wife, he will meet that need.
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Whenever we want something, a common scripture we often turn to as Christians is:
John 15:7 English Standard Version (ESV)
7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
But if we read a little bit further:
1 John 5:14-15 English Standard Version (ESV)
14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.
require (something) because it is essential or very important rather than just desirable.
have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for.
We often get our needs and wants mixed up. But God can distinguish between them and he gives us what we need.
Is it God’s will for me to get married?
For arguments sake, what if marriage is not something you need to fulfil the will of God in your life? What do you need it for then?
Paul advised that the unmarried should stay unmarried:
1 Corinthians 7:8
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
1 Corinthians 7: 32-35
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
As a single person, you have more time to do what God has called you to do. This is not to say that as a married person you cannot be devoted to God, but your time will be more divided. From the moment you get into a relationship that person begins to occupy space in your life, heart and mind.
Prior to that you were already juggling work, social life, ministry and quiet time with God. With bae in the mix that’s another thing to juggle. It’s not impossible to juggle but it takes a lot of hard work to incorporate a whole person into your life. It’s hard enough trying to find time for God with work and everything when you are single. So Paul has a good point. His message doesn’t have to necessarily deter you from marriage. It’s rather exposing the harsh reality that as a married person your time for God will be divided even further.
If it is the will of God for you to get married, you will get married, he has a plan and a purpose for that marriage. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. There is a time for everything. You are probably tired of hearing that but nothing beats Gods timing. You don’t want to rush for what you think is best and miss out on Gods best!
You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.
It could also be possible that it is better for you to remain single. Being married may hinder you from doing what God has called you to do. This may be a hard thing to come to grips with. But we have to trust that God knows best, even if it may not be what we want.
It is essential that we stay connected to God so he can guide us along the best path for us, featuring marriage or not.
Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.